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Herstories: Separate Not Equal
A few days ago, a friend recounted an incident wherein an employment recruiter told her to smile more. My friend found the comment puzzling. She knew she smiled when it was appropriate. The recruiter continued by saying there was absolutely nothing wrong with her, but she (the recruiter) couldn't read her; she just seemed very focused. Now it was my turn to be puzzled. Isn't being focused and giving a speaker your entire attention a good thing? Was she supposed to be grinning like a Cheshire Cat the entire time the recruiter spoke to her?
The incident brought to mind a conversation I'd had earlier in the week with a co-worker. My colleague believes there are different expectations placed on men and women in the workplace based solely on their sex. And those expectations are reinforced by both women and men. For example women are expected to smile, while a serious expression is an asset for her male counterpart. She is unhappy or unpleasant while he is merely occupied with important tasks. A male who is ambitious and speaks his mind is upwardly-mobile; forthright - but a woman? She's just aggressive. No compliment intended.
Speaking of aggression, have you heard of "The Aggressive Black Female Stereotype"? It seems to apply in my friend's case. I encountered this phrase several years ago in university. An instructor mentioned that Black females particularly plus-sized females can be seen as very aggressive or threatening by some people. Especially if you are of above average intelligence, well-spoken and have definite opinions. Frankly I found this hard to believe. But despite my disbelief this stereotype has kept cropping up in conversations with Black women from all walks of life. (By the way, I wonder if that is a black woman thing or if intelligent women everywhere are subjected to a similar stereotype.)
Negative stereotypes are always discouraging but a wise friend once told me: "People should not be quick to judge others, because they don't know what's happening in their lives. The person may be smiling the big smile but you never know how they truly feel. At the end of the day your judgment counts for nothing and it may just make life more difficult for another person." I agree and I have my own advice to add to that. It's not original but it's stood the test of time. "To thine own self be true."
Carolyn
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