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Herstories: Choices
My mom had already had 4 kids by the time she was 30 and at 38 I am single and have an active and well-balanced life. Where I came from when you are over 35 you are considered too old. Getting married and having a family is an important part of our culture. The harassment from relatives can be quite upsetting. When you do get married they hassle you about when you are having kids and when you are single they all want to hurry you along. As much as I am happy being single I found at times I feel the pressures and ambivalence of wanting to be married and have a family.
Like many of my single girlfriends, I have realised that I might not be able to have children when I do meet the right person. It would be ideal to have a choice if and when I do want them but unfortunately I have no control over this. However it is not a very good feeling to have to come to terms with that reality. Sure there are times when there are moments of desperation but thank goodness it's fleeting.
Recently and on separate occasions, a couple of male acquaintances posed an interesting question - would you consider test tube babies if you couldn't conceive on your own? Though I feel no offence to this type of topics and questioning I find that it does post pressure and question in my mind. I question my choice of holding out for someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. One of my friends, who married someone she barely knew so she can start a family, seems happy so far with her choice. What it boils down to is that we all have to live with our choices and my choice is to wait for the right person to come along regardless of whether the clock is ticking or not. I believe that if he loves me, age and kids or no kids would not really matter.
Carol
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